audreyhepfan

Man oh man i love reading the old stuff it makes me laugh when i try to be in depth sometimes. You know i think i have aim to thank for making me a better typer but i also blame it for never capitalizing "i" and using words like "cuz". OH well a little bit of give and take i suppose, one thing that i really dont like using is "lol" i dont know why either. Well im here in my mother's office once again, i dont know how many summers i have been corraled into this place to do absolutely nothing, i think my mom just likes to have me around, im pretty funny. The other day i jumped into my pool really late at night and everyone was asleep and i felt like...'hey, so this is adulthood...doing whatever you want" then i realized i was not grown up cuz i couldnt bring myself to swim to the deep end because i keep envisioning every 1980s horror movie where the teenage girl is alone, half naked, and gets pull down from an unknown object never to breathe the air again. However i did swim over there because i convinced myself i was being ridiculous, i would be careful though ladies thats all im saying. Well i suppose i will go try to salvage my summer somehow. lets see i will make a list of things i wanna do rather then be here:

fly kites, paint in the park, paintball, guitar hero, watch movies, sing at open mic, go dancing, play a board game, get a tattoo, go to western playland, music under the stars..hmmm...im out of ideas for now. ciao

my mundane geology teacher has driven me to come and post something on my vaguely remember lj. Why do all environmental science teachers where sandals? its quite disturbing. I put myself in the same rut i had put myself during a period of time in High School where i consumed myself in work and hardly any play. shame on me. haha well i did turn in my letter of resignation and will have the last three weeks of my freshman year of college to myself. I know what you are thinking...alcohol poisoning is in my future, HA! i think not. I did not do my hair today and due to the gloomy weather im frizz central, come one, come all. Ooo i forgot how scatter-brain i tend to get on lj...me likey. 6 weeks till summer....im insanely excited about being home, who would have thunk it...i for one envisioned college to be so wonderful that i would not want to leave and come up with some alternative to spending my warm months somewhere other than el paso...nope. eh i got three more years to fall in love with the concept after all i feel like i was meant to thrive in these collegiate years...i will. Ohh goodness i still have more than a half hour of listening to this man speak too much into his microphone that is awkwardly placed on his hawaiian printed collar shirt. I will leave all this environmental stuff to somebody else thank you. I dont plan on procreating so none of this think of your children's children crap. I miss taking pictures, i had my moments of talent i think and now all i can do is hold up my hand as an imaginary camera when inspiration hits and "click"...its gone forever. Im going to have a dark room in my home once i own one. hahaha if my battery goes out before class ends...Im leaving ;)

So that was college eh? Hmmm, definitely not like the movies but seriously what is? I always knew I could do the whole on my own thing and juggle the job and school work but to be quite honest I didnt experience everything I could and probably should have my first semester of college, i have to change that. Coming home and actually being here is of course a nice break from it all and I am definitely well feed but this holiday break has opened my eyes a lot. Do I want what I always said I want? Is everything going to be as great? guess its what i make of it I suppose. I notice when i am around my old gal pals that I have changed and to a certain degree dont want to let them see just how much because maybe they won't like this new person as they did the old. I guess you can say that at this point I am changing my stripes, i know that i have always been that 35yr old trapped in this 18yr old body but i got to thinking....how freaking boring 35 will actually be if i dont have any adolescence to reminisce on....that where the breath of fresh air comes in. I stop now and take breaths of fresh air and try things and say things that i always wanted to. Tell ya one thing...college does indeed help you find yourself no matter where you are. It forces you to know your limitations and unveils your praised qualities, gets you out of the shell or slaps some sense into your haggard little body. Some people choose to ignore what the whole collegiate experience is showing them and chose to go on thinking that is what they are suppose to do at their age. There is no format, no plan, no structure. You do what you choose and you see the chips fall......god i wonder where they are going to fall?!?

So since all my spare moments now-a-days are being taken up with reading about politics or psychology i don't really update much anymore.

So work is pretty draining, i go into tonight to close up. the store is already all decorated for Christmas and they are already playing christmas carlos over the raido so i go home singing Jessica Simpson's version of "All i want for christmas.." I walk around the store making so many mental notes on who to get what that my brain is about to burst. I recently won a gift basket of free stuff for impressing my boss so that was kinda cool and then I treated myself to some clothes...well not clothes just accessories. You see since i work at the mall now I never shop, in you have or do work at the mall you understand what I am saying.

I have picked up this nasty litte habit of watching the Reba show on lifetime when im home during the middle of the day and I think I have figured out why....she reminds me of the mama ;)

I feel so accomplished when i make dinner, but its like once a month, hehe..i am working on it though. I like my halloween costume, guess i just dont have that skank gene in me to dress all slutty like the rest of the teenage girl population, ehh maybe next year!

Today started out crappy and really hasnt gotten any better but im grateful it hasnt gotten any worse, i hope i didnt just jinx the rest of the day....yeah well anyway I was about 10min late to my first class when i see the teacher aid walking out, CLASS IS CANCELLED. So i hustled nothing and was there two hours earlier for my next class!! Hey i got the reading out of the way which otherwise probably wouldnt have gotten it done. Thanks God for making professor harmon sick so i could finish reading the chapter!! And then so i get to psych and he already has the midterm 2 grades posted....its wasnt at all what i was hoping for, i blame it on me working so much! Good thing is he is adding bonus points and then dropping our lowest midterm....wheewww. Then i make my way to math where he tells us to just sit there and review and ask him if questions come up and that we arent allowed to leave. By this time i have to get out of that building to the comforts of my bed so me and my partner in crime pack up our stuff and slowly and very sneaky inch out of the room, i think he saw us...great....ehhhh it was exciting :)

I am going to savor the last hour or so i have before i have to freshen up and head on over to lotion world that is three holidays eariler!! BYE

I am completely moved in my room, no more boxes. My roommate is here now and well she is obsessed with sex, long story. I have been to walmart three times in one week. I got one job, interviewed for another, debated on working two jobs, wrote a check for an obscene amount, have been braver than ever in my life, ate lunch alone like a grown up, saw new neighbors move...boys...cute ones ;).

I feel so ritzy at my job, i really like, well actually i know working there is going to ultimately turn me into a bath and body work junkie, since its a specialty store its unlike any b&b i have ever seen...its got stuff from all around the world...great seriously, its the crap oprah winfrey, heidi klum, jessica alba and martha stewart use. I caught myself in a mirror and i really did look like those fancy ladies wearing all black with makeup and hair done in that one way and my stud earrings. Went for my lunch break and took a seat under a big umbrella and ppl watched as i ate. Uh oh..im not in high school anymore.

B&B isnt goin to be anywhere near a full time job with school and all but it is realy tedious and i mean u gotta sell that shizzle like there is no tomorrow so depending on whether FYE pulls through or not now im not quite sure if i want to take it. I mean bath and body will supply the money for a social life and that is helping somewhat right, i got the heads up from the parentals in fact they are pushing just the one job. It would give me the opportunity to more involved on campus which would beef up my resume, which will then come in handy when it comes time to make that amazing impression at UT so i can get into the college of comm....aye aye aye, DECISIONS, DECISIONS!!

Can i offer u a sample of dilemma, its our latest product but i see it coming back again many more times this season...

So i cleaned out my stuff, donated some hand me downs to angie and victoria, threw away little things here and there that i had once cherished for some apparent reason. It was a cleansing of a past life so to speak, now i can see the back of my closet.

So around three-ish this morning i lied awake watching vh1's nocturnal state music video and doodling on a blank piece of paper, man ppl with insomnia must be bored out of there mind!!

As im typing both of my arms are starting to swell and get sore, i got my meningitis and td shot, WHAT FUN ;)

I am so ready to leave and get thrown into this new and terrifying situation that moving away for college is, lets just say hanging around with my family this summer has allowed me to make some fond memories and has also ensured that i made the right decision to leave....

yeah so i registered online at walmart for my "housewarming" its pretty fun picking out vacuum cleaners and coffee makers.

now that the high school bubble is popped i see myself around ppl i would have otherwise let fade away into my distant memory that only see the light of day if i take out a dusty yrbk or something.

Spending one hot day outside laying out in the sun has rid me of my white legs!! I like my haircut, its subtle though but nice. I am so anxious to see my class schedule and find my job and just be settled in, in my routine. I figured meeting new friends may be a bit more difficult for me since i wont be living there and rooming with someone forcing a bond but i do know that now more than ever i am comfortable approaching ppl, i hope the response is good.

Ok my arm really hurts and i thought this entry was going to be better but oh well, until next time lj readers, this is ana signing off.

As i sat with my feet in the pool, holding my dripping popsicle in my mouth with one hand and using the other to slowly graze the water I realized something. I will get to that in a moment.

Having Sarah come home was quite an eye opener. We once shared the same feelings of wanting to leave this place and never even thought of the chance of missing it. That has changed on her part and I too have found a new appreciation for the term "homesick". When having that longing for comfort that can only come from familiarity it's as if you have this hunger pain that you just can't seem to get rid of. But when you are in a position where you think you are at home and still experience this pain it makes you wonder what exactly does a home entail. It can't be as simplistic as a building, can it? Is it the food, the people, or knowing where you are going on the busy streets? I guess no one really knows because you still see everyone around you striving to find the answer. They move houses and start to plan out how the furniture will tie in with the curtains, they put in a pool in hopes of expanding a social life among the neighborhood, someone marries another in hopes of feeling completion, people move off to "bigger and better things" every chance they get. The only objection I have to this otherwise necessary advancement in life is that while we all are doing all of this preparation and searching for those bigger and better things, we in turn miss out on life.

Going back to my realization in the hot summer sun I forgot to mention it was the first time in a long while that I had the urge to write. I didn't no what or what exactly prompted the craving but it nonetheless hit me like a lighting bolt. I feel as if people get a quality glimpse of the inner workings my mind when i write rather than when i speak, that is how I chose to perceive it anyway. Now to the realization itself, people make me who I am and i state this with the most gratitude I can project. Of course I am sure everyone knows that certain people bring out certain qualities in themselves and they are not always good one either. Even so humans posses the power to mold one another and hopefully you are lucky enough to find those people that only want to bring out the best in you. Now the funny thing about finally admitting that others have an influence on the ever independent minded me was knowing that I depended on it more than i knew. My realm of friends have of course tried their best to maintain some sort of stability but yet as all things do, it changed, they've changed, i've changed, and so have you. It is in our hands to determine whether it is for the better. We do in fact chose who we surround ourselves with and who we chose to keep away from. Realities of life sometimes take away good friends that you selfishly want around all the time and then other times you get stuck with a nasty co-worker that seems to make your life a living hell.

Thank you for making me...me. You know who you are and if you don't take my word for it, you're obviously reading so just take some of the damn credit even if you don't think you deserve it.

My oh my oh my....Brianne i am speechless, you will pay. And thanks for nearly killing us, u know pattykins is a crazy driver so why add a huge monster truck tailgating us at 50mph!!!! You and your boyfriend suck big time.

Warped tour is tomorrow............YAY!!! Road trip ladies, or as close to one as we are going to get anytime soon.

So today i have to go to my future roomates bday and meet her entire family, that means alot of smiling and shaking hands with alot of strangers, guess i will go into politician mode.

I think cat had a good idea in buying those big lady gardener hats to take to the warped tour to protect us from the sun, hey we would definitely find each other if we get lost.

My day in a jumble of words: wake up, make candy bags, Pieter Piper, old ppl smell, movie talkers, baby motrin, white chicks reenactment, applebees brownie and mango lemonade, new park pics, flying monkeys, pimp cane, emo band at walgreens, sale on tp, catch in the act, car chase, another car chase, caught by a mom, threatening phone calls in a man voice (me),2 surprises, attempted revenge, clean up, long distance phone call, late night infomercials, bed.

there.